Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
