so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
