Tell her she can't have a vagina
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
