i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Let's get the cat blown out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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