We named our party play list daddy issues
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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