your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
