At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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