She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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