Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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