Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
