Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize