Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
