it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
