I need help removing her.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
