haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
