I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize