I wannas sexs uuuuu
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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