just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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