remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
