Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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