I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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