3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
