look no pants
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
