I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im holly from the hills drunk
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
