we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
