Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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