Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
