why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
