forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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