Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
