Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
