Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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