I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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