she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Couch. On fire.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
