capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
