just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Let's get the cat blown out
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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