I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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