Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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