I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
