I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
