U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
