Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
