I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
