I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
