I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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