note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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