Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
