What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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