chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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