hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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