I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
