mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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