I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
