The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
