The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
