i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I could make wine with my vomit
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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