I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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