I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize