thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
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at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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