I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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