I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
