I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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