Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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